Backseating

What is backseating an RPG?

Backseating can be found at table, more often than not, not intentionally. It is when a player tries to tell you how to play your character, or even worse, run your game.

I've seen players playing Barbarians at the table tell their wizards how to play their classes. Almost always intended to be an attempt at being helpful but often can be frustrating for the recipient.

Why can it happen?

As mentioned, often times it is because a player is trying to be helpful and doesn't consider how it may feel to be 'told' how to play the game.

On the other hand, sometimes (although I've only seen this a handful of times maximum thankfully) other players like to show off and take command of the situation. They might even be annoyed by other players' actions and seek to restrict how another player may impact their own character.

In the second half, these are examples of really poor table etiquette and should be addressed. Ultimately, you are all there to hang out and play a game together - a game. Some can get carried away, and that's OK, but if their antics are offending, upsetting or irritating yourself or others at the table, it's best for everyone if you address it politely to stop the bad behaviour before there's any damage, but to also remain respectiful of the individual causing the concern. They most likely don't mean any harm remember!

Some ways to handle it

The question I often ask myself when running games and seeing negotiations about players recommending actions to each other at a table is "is this chat reducing or contributing to the players' enjoyment at the table?". If the answer is reducing the fun, I often get in-between those arguing and resolve it as soon as I can. Sometimes, in the heat of combat or in the middle of a conversation people may ask for guidance from others, so I always make sure that me interjecting is only occurring when it looks like someone is telling someone how to play the game.

After all, on top of having fun, some players may be newer and trying to learn the mechanics as they go. People should be allowed to do this instead of being commanded by a more dominating player.

As a GM, you can speak to the offending player quietly and privately about the issue. This can be hard around the table, but during a break you can pull them aside discreetly to discuss it. If your offending player isn't being intentionally irritating, they'll likely not even be aware that it could be upsetting or annoying for someone else and will likely be much more contentious. If someone bites back at the suggestion of letting someone else experience the game, then this could be a red flag that they are a problem player.

Alternatively (but not recommended) sometimes problem players need to be told directly that continuing their actions will not be tolerated. I've only had to directly reprimand someone once, and this was after they showed up intoxicated and were arguing constantly with others at the table. It got to a point that everyone was uncomfortable and had to be dealt with. An extreme example that I had to meet with extreme reactions - the Feeblemind spell. That took the player out during a narratively appropriate time and encouraged them to set their mind on other things, allowing the engaged players to focus on enjoying their game without fear of interruption.

Is there a time when it's OK?

Backseating doesn't always have to be negative. I've found experienced players can be excellent when supporting newer or less confident players. However, the key here is to gently guide them, not steamroll them into actions the experienced or more dominant player wants to happen.

I've been fortunate enough to have a core group of amazing players who are often really good at prompting new people into playing the game and roleplaying - but taking special care not to force actions upon them. They also let newer or less confident players make roleplaying mistakes or take a risk and fail the role, only to step up to the plate and help them achieve their goal. Either that, or by offering support to assist them in their actions, rather than make them for the newer player,

While the above might not be "backseating" in the more extreme sense, it's still one player guiding another in a collaborative way - which can have a positive impact at your table.

So what do you think? is backseating always wrong? Have you had any experience with this? We'd love to hear your thoughts and explore this topic further if you have anything else to add.

Thanks for reading this article, and until next time - good gaming!

-KJ