"NOOOOO!" - Telling players that they can't do that "thing"

 

Telling players "No' can be hard, especially if you are not confident or don't like a little bit of confrontation at the table.

I've had many cases in the early days where I couldn't say "no", or when I did, it often lead to me conceding to game-breaking hi jinx at the table.

I've also seen other GMs suffer patience-breaking arguments at the table, and overall these can ruin the atmosphere around the table and even worse - deter players or the GM from wanting to attend again.

So how do we say "no" in a way that's respectful? How do we say "no" without making a player feel uncomfortable?

For the most part, this discomfort can be bypassed by playing with people who you know well. I normally play with close friends and family. Even when "no" is said, it often is respected in a game.

However, you may be playing with people you don't know so well, like if you run a game at a local comic shop.

So - what can we do to say no in ways that might feel better for players? Here's a few types I've used!

Narrative "Nos"

A great way to say "no" is to not just outright refuse a player. Explain why it narratively doesn't work. For example, someone may wish to attempt to climb a wall to reach a window. If this is impossible, instead of refusing the attempt, explain that "your fingers can't find grip in the grooves, and while you can hoist a few feet up, there's no way you can reach any higher". Narrative explanations for anything in a game helps players understand why something is happening, and it has helped me avoid conflicts with argumentative players.

Remember, being a GM isn't just telling a story or running a game - it's doing those things while trying to encourage players to engage, have fun, and ultimately paint players a picture of the world they are interacting with. Making a game feel interactive instantly increases engagement and enjoyment. It also helps you as a GM when you have to refuse a suggestion, while removing any discomfort someone may feel when their suggestion is rejected.

Counter-choices

Other than complete rejection, a little negotiating can go a long way. Not that you should encourage this at every decision, but offering alternatives is way to communicate that a player's decision was achklowdged and failed  but not pointless. Achknowleging a player's choice, explaining why its impossible, and offering a counter-solution can still help players move the story along which is a great tactic to use in your games.

I use this often when needing to refuse a choice and also if someone has had a string of terrible rolls. Bad rolls for a whole night sometimes happens, so to reduce some of that frustration I still offer either alternative outcomes or just additional hints.

The flat no

My least favourite of the "nos" but sometimes... they just need to happen. Sometimes for the sake of brevity, or just to curb a particularly 'loud' player - "No" might need to be pulled out to move things on. These have only ever came out at my table when there's been problem players taking the spotlight and arguing with other players. Unforutnately, it makes things a little uncomfortable, but remember you are trying to run a game and host an enjoyable, fun night. If there's someone who is constantly ruining the fun for everyone at the table, it is justified to tell them "No". Just make sure to give a reason, and be polite.

I've only had to do this less than a handful of times when drunk players steamrolled others, or even berated others at the table (as "banter"). While some groups can make fun of each other (and this OK), be aware that shier players might be more sensitive to "light hearted insults". 

Remember the flat "No" is a little more dangerous, but when things are tense or constantly interruptions are happening, or a tirelessly relentless player won't stop asking to do things that frustrate your other players, assert a flat "No" and offer to talk about it later. 

I've found players - even the ones I've had problems with - may disagree, but a small chat during a break has always cleared things up with no hard feelings. If you often run into resistance of this nature with no resolution, you might have a player who would be better suited for other games.

So that's all for today. Saying no is hard, but the reality is, sometimes it needs said (even if indirectly). This may be a topic that is returned to in the future, but for now it covers the main suggestions I have.

So what do you think? Have you had uncomfortable disagreements at your table or in games you've played? How was it resolved (if at all)? We'd love to hear it in the comments below. 

We hope you got something from this. Thanks again and good gaming to you!

-J